Dear John, Despite your cruel, unkind and destructive choices...Love wins. God stepped in and carried us.

Dear John,

I’m writing this with the knowing it is time to release the deeply held emotions created by the storyline you thrust my children and I into. You are their father, and I will always acknowledge that. I cannot and will not curse you because the healing of your family line needs Gods intervention and I pray the sins of the father do not continue past your season. Does the truth of what happened deserve to be spoken plainly? In celebration of the goodness of God….yes it does.

You chose to walk away from us, and that choice created consequences that I carried alone. I have been the one showing up — emotionally, financially, and physically for my 5 children — every single day for 25 years. I did it without excuses, without disappearing, and without abandoning the responsibilities that come with being a parent. My position was to be the mother and show up for my children as such. Your choices thrust me into being the father figure as well, and even though my children acknowledge me as doing well with it, it is only a testament to their hearts, kindness and grace toward me. They needed a Dad, desired a Dad and deserved a Dad. You consciously robbed them of that and did nothing as we flailed for survival. I too failed them and they deserved far more than I could attain or create as a Mom and Dad in one.

You refused to be part of our children’s lives. You ignored their pleas for a relationship, their hope that you might show up, and the simple responsibilities that come with being a father. That absence shaped them deeply. I carried every burden you set down while you chose distance. Even you are granted grace from these children, which is astounding and inspiring to me as I witnessed what they have walked through due to your unkindness and lack of honor.

This wasn’t a single mistake. It was a pattern you had already lived out before my children were even born. And while you built new families and involved yourself in church work, you left behind the ones who needed you first. You leaned on the idea that God’s forgiveness would cover the harm, even as the harm continued. But forgiveness does not erase consequences, and grace is not a shield from accountability. You missed the reward meant for the heavens as you chose meaningless quests. At least that is what the bible expresses. I myself have to look at this and pray the lessons guide me forward with wisdom and better choices.

My children are grown now. They built their lives without you because they had no other choice. They deserved better. And so did I.

I do not write this wishing you negative. I write it because I am releasing the anger that has been fueled by watching the hurt you caused our children and the hurt I caused by not knowing how to fill a fathers place. I pray that one day your knee will bow to God in truth, not convenience, and that He will deal with your continuous choices to abandon others after you involve them in your empty promises and lies. The weight of your actions was heavy for all of us to carry — we did time for things we did not do and walked through the gauntlet you created on purpose. One of my children did not make it through and even then, there was no show of love for his brothers and sisters in the agony of his loss. The only reason I stand today is because God carries what you would not. To witness these brothers and sister walk with each other and believe for good and love to win is a heart stirring fuel.

As for now, I pray to continue moving forward with the strength, grace, and faithfulness God has given us. He has made beauty from ashes before, and I choose to trust He will continue to do so. The boys have grown in the fire you set…..forged to be men of men as they arise to become the men of God they were designed to be, and my daughter has been forged by fire to arise as the woman she is becoming. The depth of their hurt has become the depth of their compassion. Their witness to things I wished them never to see has become their discernment and wisdom, their love for animals, children and each other is a testimony to Gods love, grace and faithfulness winning despite that which came to cause harm. Their experience with the many wrongs has offered them a very strong line of right. As for me, I am nothing like the young girl you placed your grasp upon. The fires were hot, long and dismissed all the dross from her innocent thoughts.

Sincerely,

Kimberly

Why would a 'Dad' intentionally destroy his family?